This past week brought on a couple anniversaries: the four-year anniversary of my separation (and subsequent divorce), and the one-year anniversary of my new author website. While I am excited about the four-year anniversary (much more to come on that life change later!), I’m not quite as excited about the one-year website anniversary. And that’s because I haven’t kept up on the site at all. It started with a bang in August 2017, but by the end of January 2018 had devolved to more of a whimper before pretty much ceasing to exist at all. How the hell am I supposed to expect readers and followers to be engaged if I’m not engaging? Is it that I was too busy? Or did I have nothing to say? Was my author career taking off in such stellar proportions that maintaining a blog was just so very much beneath me?
To answer those questions, I turned my attention to world renowned author-psychologist-analyst-profiler Zaphod DeMangelaere who smacked me on the side of my head and said, “Dude. You have no excuse. You just need to get your ass in front of the keyboard and write.”
Problem was, that was so much easier said than done. I don’t know what the problem has been this year (2018), but I started the year with such energy, excitement, and enthusiasm…only to see it all wither away. And my writing as a whole has suffered. Not just my writing, but anything and everything to do with writing at all. I had no energy to promote myself. I had no excitement to maintain my website. I had no enthusiasm to write stories of any sort. My drive and desire were gone. I would sometimes sit down with the best of intentions to get some writing done – anything, no matter how little – but I would find reasons to put it off. And the more often I put it off, the easier it became to put off. And the easier it became to put off, I eventually didn’t even need to provide excuses to myself.
So what happened? It’s not that my social life took an uptick (been flying solo for the last four years!), it’s not that my kids needed more attention (if anything, being in their mid to late teens, they are more independent than ever), it’s not that my work has demanded more of me (now granted, there has been more overtime offered at the day job as of late, but that’s no excuse to have ignored my writing altogether). So what was it?
Frankly, I’ve just felt…uninspired. And I don’t know why. I’ve spent time off and on over the last few months trying to figure out why. I’ve looked into myself. I’ve looked back on myself. I’ve thought, wondered, and pondered. I’ve disseminated and disassembled and dismantled. I’ve reassembled and reprocessed. But it’s all been for naught. Ultimately, trying to figure out and understand why this has been the case for the greater part of this year isn’t important. What’s important is that I need to – or hopefully I have – gotten over it and am finally ready to move on with my writing career.
So hopefully this is the first of many new appearances for me in your virtual world. I’m ready to move forward full steam… and for the first time in quite awhile, I’m really excited for what’s in store! My second novel, “Vampocalypse”, is with the publisher going through edits and cover art. Hoping for a release in time for Halloween 2018. I’m over halfway through writing my self-help book, based on the three-year journey my life took following my separation and divorce. I’ve been working on some poetry and – having always had musical tendencies – I may even experiment with putting some of it to music. And, of course, I’ve reactivated my website and blog. I have many other writing projects itching to be realized: revising and expanding my first novel, “Starphoenix”; finishing the “Starphoenix” sequel titled “Starphoenix: Legacy”; writing a spy-novel (a project I’ve been collecting notes on for awhile – I’m really excited about this!); and then there’s the sequel to “Vampocalypse” (working title simply “Vampocalypse: Book Two”). And ohmygod there’s not enough time in the day!
I’m just a man with some dreams. Some of those dreams are bigger than others but to get to the big dreams I need to realize the little ones, and so here I am, starting on the little ones. I know I’m more than my day job and that my writing will one day afford me the opportunity to be a full-time author and creative visionary. (A sentiment I know many, if not all, authors share.) Dammit, though, the vision will never, ever come to fruition by itself. And I’m tired of sitting on my ass and watching others’ dreams happen while mine just fester in my imagination.
So I’m tossing back a drink in my honor to my new inspiration, to my new me, and ultimately, to my new life. I can’t wait to see where the ride takes me, and I look forward to all of you coming on board for the journey.
Oh, and Happy Anniversary to me.
Author E.S.Brown 